And So It Goes...

So recovering from Jon was not easy...but I tried. I always tried to pick myself up, that was how I was raised. When my father left from Mom, he ultimately also left my sister and I and us girls just got ourselves up and kept going. In an attempt to get over Jon, I decided to try again.

Brandon (??) So this one was short. We mostly hung out at school, he would write me notes during class to give me after, but this one came to a screeching halt pretty quickly. He dropped the sex bomb. I responded with the No bomb. I was dumped by fourth period.

See a pattern??? Trust me its an important one to make note of. So I decided I was going to give up on "dating" since apparently holding someones hand and making out at lunch manifested into "let's have sex."

Bradley Moon At the end of the band camp every year, the band would have a fund raiser "lock in bowling night." The Brunswick would shut its doors to the public starting at 10pm and we had free reign of the place from 10pm until 7am the next morning. That year I was in the clarinet section, so I only knew half the band kids, the woodwinds; the drummers and brass players were a complete mystery for the most part. That was the night I met Bradley for the first time, officially. He was a freshman just like me, but was a trumpet player, and the cutest boy I had ever seen. We spent the night talking and laughing, alongside my new best friend Katie Heim. The three of us flirted together and towards the end of the night, Bradley was sitting on the floor with my head on one side of his lap and Katie with her head on the other side of his lap. He kept putting his face really close to mine, and making a silly kissy face at me. Stupid me thought he was sending me signals. As the night slowly ended and I knew it would be time to go soon, I gathered up the courage to ask Bradley if we could talk. I felt that I had to make a move, cause if I didn't he could make a move on Katie instead. I sat him down and told him I felt a connection, and that maybe we could become boyfriend girlfriend status. He said to me, "I'm sorry, I'm already dating Jamie Frias, she plays flute, you know her! She couldn't make it tonight, but I'm sorry if I lead you on." Then he got up and left!! Just like that. Defeated, I went home, regretting the start of freshman year.

(This was before Jon, just before, but Jon was listed fisrt since we did make it to bf/gf status).

I bounced back. By making out with everyone who would come within two feet of me. Was a good choice to make in high school? No. Did I make out with everyone? No, but it was a lot. It was the only way I could feel loved without getting hurt. For ten minutes I felt a spark, a connection with someone and I didn't have to give up anything expect a few minutes of my time and chips off my reputation block. It also was the place where I could draw boundaries. Yes I'll make out with you, No I won't have sex with you. It was a safety net.